JWD: Jack the Giant Killer (2013)

BITCH PLEASE!

But when you’re a b-movie geek, you know that you are in risks of letdowns and self-torture-that’s the cost and like some brave soldior we must stand tall and endure certain ruined nights we have been hopeful about all week long-like stubborn pilgrims we must walk through the impregnable mists.

Never saw the actual ‘Jack The Giant Slayer’-movie, im much more of an mockbuster-dude…for better and for the worse. But anyway; our seposed to be main-gye; Jack..well shit, you know the story_if you’re not the IPAD-generation. He climbes, or in this case, gets abducted by a beanstalk and end’s up in some boring land in the clouds with an awkaward flying castle and three-eyed wing-less dragons running around and a hot evil-kinda queen, dressed in black that looks delicious. And up there, Jack meets a man he has never met befor that is important to him, but im not to much of a spoiling kinda guy, so it’s not like it’s his father or somthing.. The story is extreamly stupid here, even for a fairytale and the characters are just a huge pain in the ass. And our main-dude; Jack, is more like an extra and i couldnt’ care less about him-he’s job is to look insecure and comfused, with his mouth half open. The most charismatic dude is Harry Dyer as Newald, who is more of a main-characters in this movie then our Jack-fellow. But it dosnt’ matter much, i was more or less twitching in my couch of bordom and negative awkwardness. But what really made it all worth while, was a young actoress named Vicki Glover as ‘Lisa’ (i had to google her). Shit, what a lovley young lady; with thick long raven-black hair, brown eyes and an extreamly yummy ASS, i mean SHIT! DUDE! Getting that ass would be a huge accomplishment in my book. At least i think she was really hot.

beerglas-rating-1-5